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#Having difficult conversations how to

It’s far worse to try to avoid it, because you just end up creating new conflict – which ends up being more insidious and costly than the original issue. It offers us information about how we could work with others more effectively, improve our relationships, and grow as individuals. At home and at work, we steer around conflict as prodigiously as we create it.Īnd yet conflict isn’t inherently bad. If you’ve ever avoided or postponed a difficult conversation, you’re not alone. I have helped people have difficult conversations for more than 20 years: in conflict zones and in living rooms, with leaders of corporations and foundations, and people in my own community. Only my camera is turned on, and I watch myself try to look optimistic. On a good day, these calls are tense, but more often than not they’re explosive. Several of them are no longer on speaking terms, and employees and shareholders have not been shielded from the drama. The other callers are all members of an executive board, and they’re in turmoil over the strategic direction of their company.

#Having difficult conversations how to

Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most.I’m in a Zoom meeting, speaking to a screen full of black squares, trying to coax voices out of the void. How the way we talk can change the way we work: Seven languages for transformation. International Journal of Business Communication, 53(4), 443-464. Managing difficult workplace conversations: Goals, strategies, and outcomes. We hope these strategies will help you to have more productive conversations. We hope this article helped you to more critically consider how you approach difficult conversations.

Did I document that the conversation occurred and record key points?.

Did the other person and I leave the meeting with action items?.

Did we reach the planned goal or solution in the conversation?.

Keep the conversation about the facts and issue at hand, not the other person.Įffectively Ending the Difficult Conversation.

Consider whether or not the other party is doing this as well.

Do not let the issue affect your self-image.

This refers to how the result of the conversation may define someone involved in the discussion at hand. If you feel someone has crossed a line, tell them.

Set boundaries when discussing emotions.

Share your feelings on the issue, if needed.

Be open to hearing the other party's feelings about the issue.

Give the other party space to share their side of the story.

Make it clear that the conversation is about finding a solution to the issue, not criticizing the other person.

Be critical, yet kind and considerate.

This refers to the emotions ingrained in a difficult conversation. Bring in a neutral facilitator if needed. Consider how events may be perceived from their perspective.

Do not assume the other person is wrong.

Strategies for approaching this conversation: This conversation occurs when there are discrepancies between you and the other party's perception of events. There are three major components of a difficult conversation: the "what happened?" conversation, the feelings conversation, and the identify conversation (Stone, Patton, & Heen, 2010). Review organizational policies and procedures that may apply to the situation. Choose a neutral location and facilitator, if needed. What results do you expect to have from the conversation? Tell the other person the purpose of the conversation. Gather all information you will need to have the conversation.

If you find you are more negative, work to change your perspective and approach difficult conversations with an optimistic attitude.ĭo you need to have a difficult conversation? Ask yourself the following questions: Is this an internal or external conflict? Can I change anything by having this conversation? Will it unnecessarily damage a relationship with a coworker, client, or stakeholder?īe prepared if you decide to engage in the conversation. Ask people you trust for honest feedback. Consider whether or not you speak more positively or more negatively about your work to colleagues, clients, and stakeholders. The following strategies can help you make progress in difficult conversations by adjusting your conversation pattern. Stone, Patton, and Heen (2010) define a difficult conversation as "anything you find it hard to talk about" (p. Use this article as a guide for approaching your next difficult conversation. The main reason we have difficulty with conversations is because we all have different backgrounds, experiences, values, and concerns. It is unrealistic to expect every conversation and communication we have with clients, coworkers, family, and friends to be successful. Communication is a foundational part of any relationship.